


Reflection

by Empty_void147



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst, Arthur regrets, F/M, Guilt, M/M, Magic Ban Lifted (Merlin), My First Fanfic, Not Beta Read, Post-Magic Reveal, Sad with a Happy Ending, Temporary Character Death, Time Travel, sorta golden age
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-28
Updated: 2020-05-29
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:35:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,888
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24428098
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Empty_void147/pseuds/Empty_void147
Summary: Arthur was mad at Merlin for having magic. So he sents him away on a quest for a magic item. Now Merlin is missing, can Arthur prevent what is about to happen?
Relationships: Gwen/Lancelot (Merlin), Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 53





	1. Chapter 1: Merlin's quest

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own Merlin. I do not own anything but the plot and an original character.

Merlin woke up staring at the ceiling of his Court Sorcerer chamber. He dressed up and ate the breakfast that Oliver, his servant, left for him. Oliver knows him enough to not help him with dressing up and taking a bath since it makes Merlin uncomfortable. As he was about to start researching a spell to help with the burned forest that got caught in a forest fire last week. Oliver knocked at his door.

“Come in,” Merlin shouted. Oliver came in, looked at Merlin -hands behind his back- and said “The king requires your presence in his chambers, he said it’s urgent.” At that, Merlin looked up before sighing.

Merlin walked to Arthur’s chambers. The same chambers that became too much torment to go in when it used to bring him happiness. Merlin opened the door and stepped in. Arthur was looking over the window at the training grounds where Leon was training the new knights.

“You sent for me, sire?” Merlin asked, not looking directly at Arthur. Things have gotten strain since Arthur found out about his magic. Their friendly banter was no longer and things became awkward and cold between the two.

“I have another quest for you. You will bring back a Rune staff from a cave near the valley of the fallen kings. This is a dangerous staff that cannot be in the hands of Cendred.” Arthur’s voice was cold and distant like little knives stabbing into Merlin’s heart. It made Merlin want to flinch away. “Do you understand?” Arthur asked without turning to face Merlin. Merlin nodded and replied, “yes, sire”.

“Good, you are dismissed.” Oh, what Merlin wouldn’t give to have their familiar banter back. He left Arthur’s chambers to tell Gaius where he was going before he would leave. As he walked to the physician chamber he was hit with memories of the time before Arthur found out about his magic. 

_ “MERLIN!” Arthur’s voice echoed down the hall. _

_ “I’m coming!” Merlin ran with the food in his arms toward Arthur’s chambers. He was very late for lunch. No doubt the prat would give more chores because of this. Merlin opened the door to find Arthur standing there with his arms cross.  _

_ “Are you incapable of ever being on time!? Have you ever been on time ever?” Arthur glared. Well, somebody is moody. He voices it to Arthur. “Well, some idiot forgot to bring my lunch on time because he was spending too much time in the tavern.” Arthur retorted. _

_ “Hey, some of us don’t have time to wave sharp sticks around all day! We have better things to do.” Merlin said as he placed the food on the table. Before he turned around to grab the laundry from the basket and leave as Arthur threw a goblet at his head.  _

_ “I DO NOT WAVE AROUND SHARP STICKS!” _

_ “Sure you don’t, sire,” Merlin shouted back as he headed down the stairs. The two guards sharing amused glances. _

Merlin blinked back the tears in his eye. It’s been a month and Arthur still acted cold and bitter towards him. He was really beginning to doubt things will go back to the way it was. And that made his chest feel tight.

He opened the door, Gaius was making another sleeping draught for an old lady in the lower town with troubled sleep. Gaius looked up from his work as Merlin walked in. “Merlin! How are you, my boy?” Gaius said, putting the finishing touches before packing away. “Could be better,” Merlin replied brokenly, trying to make it seem like the memories didn’t affect him as much as it did. 

Gaius looked at him with sympathy Merlin had to look away. These days everyone seemed to pity him and he hated it. “Is Arthur still cold?” he asked softly. “Things will never change, Gaius. A half can hate what makes it whole.” Merlin said eyes vacant and lifeless. Gaius put his hands on Merlin’s shoulders to comfort him a bit. 

“I’m going on a quest for a while,” Merlin said, looking back up. “I need to get a magical item for Arthur.” “Be careful out there. People say that things are changing and it is more dangerous than ever.” Gaius warned. Merlin agreed. He had been feeling a chill in the air, like magic itself was waiting for something. Whether it’s good or bad he doesn’t know. Merlin tries to take his mind off of it for now.

“I know I will.”

“Good luck, my boy. Don’t lose hope.”

Merlin walked away to start on his journey. Getting on his horse and setting for the valley of the kings. Little did he know that it would be the changing point of destiny. Magic was waiting for something. 


	2. Chapter 2: The Beast

Arthur was sure life has never felt so dull. Things seem to be going in slow motion. People came to ask for his help more and more every day. They all say the same things:

“My lord, there’s something wrong with the animals!”

“The crops are dying, your highness”

“There’s something in the forest scaring away our prey!”

Arthur felt overwhelmed and stressed. He stared at the faces of his council as they argue and bicker back and forth. Arthur could feel a future headache coming when Lancelot walked in through the door and said:

“An unknown monster was spotted near a village, sire.” He said with an urgent aura. Arthur stood up immediately. Arthur gave the order for the knight to prepare. 

As the servant saddled his horse, he checked the knights he would be going with. Most of them were the knights of the round table but a couple of them are older ones. They rode out with speed and determination. Arthur felt odd traveling without Merlin but he casts those thoughts aside. Now is not the time to be thinking of the hurt that came with thinking about his former manservant.

Arthur could slowly see the monster the knights were fighting. It was bigger than us by 3 times. It seemed like a grey giant walking on two legs with bright red eyes. Mouth filled with teeth sharper than swords. As the fight went on, Arthur noticed with frustration that his blade wasn’t doing anything to the monster at all. It seemed like the monster had the skin made of iron. The swords weren’t able to cut through it no matter what. 

Arthur watched with horror as one of the newest knights got picked up by the giant clawed hand and eaten by the beast. Blood sprayed out from its mouth as all the knights looked on with frightened eyes.

Soon most of the knights were stepped on, crushed, or eaten, before the beast turned its eyes toward Arthur. Slowly the hand started to reach toward him, the remaining knight unable to do anything but run towards him. The world seems to move in slow motion, as the hand was about the grab him. A light glowed from his chest area as the hand was blasted backward by an invisible force.

Arthur used this opportunity to turn back and shout “Retreat!” to his men. They all ran towards their horses. The hand blasting away from him reminded Arthur of the day he discovered Merlin’s magic. 

_ Bandits rushed out from every angle, all holding swords and bows. Arthur fended them off as much as he could. All he could think about was protecting Merlin. They were just out hunting like normal before all these bandits came rushing out of the forest. He heard Merlin shouted at him as he turned around to see the bandits blasting off into the distance. His ears faintly registered: _

_ “ _ **_Ástríce!_ ** _ ”  _

_ Arthur turned around in time to see the traitorous gold flashing in Merlin’s eyes. Merlin’s eyes flashed to fear. He backed away. Arthur saw red.  _

_ “You’re a sorcerer! You betrayed me! You lied!” Arthur screamed in rage, Merlin flinches back. A part of Arthur hated making Merlin so scared, but all he could feel was a bitter mix of anger, hurt, and betrayal.  _

_ “Please, Arthur, I was born with magic.” Merlin tried to explain, tears rolling down his cheeks. Arthur glared at him even harder. _

_ “That’s impossible! You can’t be born with magic. Magic is a choice!” Arthur retorts back. _

_ “It is possible! It’s rare, but it’s not uncommon. I was born with it. Morgana didn’t choose to learn magic either.” Merlin tried to explain. Arthur points his sword at Merlin’s throat. Usually it would make him sick at the thought of hurting Merlin. But he was hurt to the point that he didn’t think straight.  _

_ “So you were working with Morgana!” Arthur raged. Merlin looked shocked that he could even think such a thing. _

_ “No! My magic is for you! Everything that I am is for you! I told you I would be your servant until the day I die.” Merlin shouts. Arthur looked conflicted. If what Merlin said was true, then he had been killing innocent in the name of the former king. _

_ “Please, you can ask Geoffrey on magic, he has the records from before the purge. Morgause wasn’t lying. I lied so you didn’t have to live with the guilt of killing your father.” Merlin begs. Crying openly now. Arthur felt numb. Everything he ever knew, everything he was taught, was wrong. There was only one thing he could do. He knocked Merlin out with the hilt of the sword. _

_ The ban was lifted two weeks later, five days later Merlin was made court sorcerer. _

_ Merlin approached Arthur after the ban was lifted. He opened his mouth to speak before Arthur cuts him off. _

**_“I didn’t do it for you, it was so the innocent didn’t have to suffer. You are not innocent.”_ **

_ The words cut through Merlin like a knife. As Arthur walked away, Merlin was left standing there, broken and in tears.  _

“Arthur!” Arthur looked up to see Gwen and Lancelot walking towards the infirmary. Even if Gwen was Arthur’s queen, Arthur had given the couple his blessing to continue their relationship as he wasn’t in love with Gwen but he loved her as a friend. 

“Arthur I came as soon as Lance gave the report. Are you badly hurt?” Gwen asked worriedly. Arthur smiled “No, a bit shocked and bruised but nothing serious.” Gwen sigh with relief. She looked at Arthur more seriously. “The glowing thing that happened, what was that?” She asked.

Arthur reached into his tunic and pulled out a chain with a crystal. The chain was some sort of metal that looked like it had tiny stars in it, the crystal was bright blue mixed with a swirly gold. The crystal wasn’t big, big enough to fit on his palm. Gwen looked at it in awe, just looking at it you can tell that it’s magical. It was beautiful. 

“It’s gorgeous, what is it?” Gwen asked, sitting next to him on the bed. Arthur looked at her and shrugged, “It just appeared one morning and I can’t take it off no matter what.”

Gwen looked between him and the crystal, and the realization came over her eyes. “Merlin” She breathes. She could see Arthur’s lips tighten at the mention of his name. Gwen frowned, honestly, does this man really didn’t understand?

“Arthur, you can’t stay mad at him forever. You’re gonna make yourself miserable. You love him.” It wasn’t an accusation, it was a fact. Arthur lowered his eyes. “He lied to me.” He whispered. The hurt was clear on his face, it wasn’t the fact that Merlin had magic, it was because of trust.

“Oh Arthur, at least try to see it from his perspective.” Arthur looked up at Gwen, confusion in his eyes. “Merlin was born with magic.” Arthur nodded. “Merlin did magic just three days after his birth, according to Hunith. He was told to hide from day one. He couldn’t trust anyone, because in his world trust can kill. He grew up in a society that viewed him and people like him as monsters and something to be killed. Merlin had to constantly shoulder the burden wherever he goes. He hides to the point that anytime someone sees him his first instinct is to apologize.” Arthur’s eyes widen. 

“He was ashamed of who he was. I talked to him before you lifted the ban. Do you know how overwhelm he was? Merlin was used to hiding, lying, never trusting, having to be on guard at all times. He didn’t know how to be himself, because he was taught to always be something else, to deny who he was.” Arthur’s eyes glisten with faint tears. “Do you know how it felt to be so used to living under an execution sentence that it left you lost after it’s gone?” Arthur shakes his head, looking down. 

“Because that is what Merlin had to go through. He made mistakes, he hurt you, he lied, but he’s human too. We, humans, make mistakes. We learn from mistakes. I think you need to think about it more than just you being hurt.” Gwen placed her hand on his and gave him a kiss on the forehead then left Arthur to his thoughts.


	3. Chapter 3: Searching for Merlin

Arthur thought more about Gwen’s words. She was right. He was so focused on being hurt by Merlin not trusting him that he didn’t realize that it was in Merlin’s instinct just as much as killing bad sorcerers was in his. 

“Gaius, where is Merlin?” Arthur asked. Hoping to set things right. He messed up and he needed to fix it.

Gaius looked up with a concerned face. “He went on the quest, my lord. Has been for the week.” Arthur froze. The quest shouldn’t take that long. It was just finding a staff. A lightbulb went off and he ran to the vaults. He quickly opened the door with his keys and headed straight to the magic section. He looked around for the item that looked like the drawing of the Rune staff. He turned a corner and his stomach dropped to the floor. 

There it was. A staff made of bark from the tree in the isle of the blessed, carved with complicated runes, indestructible, on top of the staff was a crystal from the birthplace of magic, the crystal cave. It was laying innocently on the floor of the vault. 

If the staff was here, then where’s Merlin? Arthur rushed back to the physician chamber, slightly panicking. He told what he found to Gaius, who paled like all his blood was drained. Gaius ran to the other side of the room and pick up a book, quickly flipping through it. Arthur was panicking on the inside.

“He must’ve come back to Camelot if the staff is in the vault,” Arthur said. Thinking hard, if Merlin was here he probably would’ve made fun of me not thinking too hard, Arthur thought. But then he remembered the strained relationship between them and guilt washed over him like a tsunami.

“Sire.” Arthur looked up at Gaius, who stopped on a page in the book. “It says here that in the same area of the crystal cave, there is another cave almost exactly the same, except this one, shows knowledge. If there’s any place you can find out what happened to Merlin, it would be here.” Arthur nodded, determination filling him once more. “I shall head there immediately. Tell Gwen to take care of the kingdom while I’m gone.” 

He rushed to the stables before Gaius could answer anything. Hurrying to get the saddle one and quickly riding out to the direction of the cave. Now he wishes, Merlin didn’t leave on such a bad term between them. If anything happened. No, nothing could happen, it can’t. He-He loves him! Yes, He, King Arthur Pendragon of Camelot, is in love with a warlock with magic. Fate really likes to play games, doesn’t it?

He slowly became more aware of his surroundings as his horse slowed. Arthur tried to urge the horse on but it wouldn’t move. Now very aware of his surroundings. The forest is too quiet, too still, no animals, no birds chirping. Something is near. Something dangerous. Arthur stilled tense shoulders and hand on the hilt of Excalibur. A bunny ran out of the bush, Arthur relaxed and laughed at being so scared. 

  
  


The next thing he knew, a shadow loomed over him. Arthur looked up, seeing a giant foot about to step on him. Arthur kicked the side of his horse, speeding out of the way. He turned back to see the monster, the same looking monster from before, now bigger than the tallest tower of Camelot's castle. The only difference from the last demon monster was the red hair that flowed from the top of its head. 

He didn't know where all these unbeatable monsters were coming from. But Arthur knew he had to get out of there. 

Once he was in a safer area. Arthur stopped for a break. He would make the journey to the crystal cave by dawn. Gaius didn't mention the exact location of the cave of knowledge, he knew it was close to the crystal cave. 

Arthur tied his horse to a nearby tree. He started a campfire. The trees were growing thicker and thicker the more he advanced. The air seemed to hold some sort of aura that made him feel safer. It reminded him of Merlin. Arthur grimaced. 

He was so cold towards him. He hurt the man he loved, Arthur sent him away. Now Merlin is missing. Arthur laid down on his sleeping mat. The stars were bright today. The moon is out, the sky never looked more beautiful. Arthur imagined Merlin laying next to him. Hands in his. A tear slipped from his eye before he quickly wiped it away. 

Arthur never imagined Merlin not being by his side on a quest. Merlin followed Arthur wherever he went so often that he came to expect to turn around and Merlin being there. Arthur closed his eyes and slipped into the abyss. 

When Arthur opened his eyes the sun was shining down on his face. His immediate response was to groan and turned to his side. The memories hit him in full force and Arthur jumped up. He packed up and went back to his horse. 

His horse seemed to nudge him towards something. It wouldn't let him get on and kept trying to go somewhere. 

Arthur turned around and stopped in his tracks. There was a cabin. It definitely wasn't there yesterday. The cabin is quite small. He took out his sword as he opened the door. The place looked wrecked. Blood smeared all over the walls. The smell of rotting flesh hit his nose. Arthur gagged. 

Then, something caught his eye. It was a map. There was the location of the crystal cave. And next to it, was a red cross that something was meant to be. Arthur's heart rate picked up. Is this the location of the cave of knowledge?

But, why would it just suddenly appear in front of him? It wasn't there yesterday. But it appeared today. Gaius said that this was the place of magic, Arthur thought. The magic surrounding the forest must've sensed his desperation to find Merlin. 

He rushed to the place on the map on his horse. Arthur prayed that this is where the cave is located. He wanted to get Merlin back. 


	4. Chapter 4: The Cave of Knowledge

Arthur stopped at the entrance of the cave. There was a growl coming from the darkness that put him on his guard. He unsheathed his sword. Arthur walked slowly and crouched inside the cave. 

A claw swiped over his head. Arthur only kept his head because of his ducking reflexes. Arthur rolled and flattened his body against the walls of the cave. He could see bright red eyes glowing in the darkness. 

No doubt this is the same type of monster. A blade couldn't cut through its skin, even a blade forged with dragon fire. A roar echoed through the cave and a wave of the invisible wall came towards him. Arthur was knocked to the other end of the cave, his head knocked against the stone. Arthur blacked out a bit with pain. Everything was blurry and spotty in his vision. 

Then a huge claw rushed towards him. Arthur was sure he would've been stabbed in the abdomen if it wasn't for the crystal chain around his neck. 

The monster was knocked out and possibly killed. Not missing a beat, Arthur narrowly missed the falling body of the monster. He continued into the cave. It looked like the crystal cave. 

Arthur wasn't sure how he was meant to find information about Merlin here. He looked into the crystal. Nothing happened. 

"I want to know what happened to Merlin," Arthur said in a commanding voice. The question seemed to echo all over before a crystal next to him glowed. 

The crystal broke, the pieces floated in the air and formed a body. A girl. She had curly green hair, rosy lips, her skin was pale and a bit transparent. The ghost/spirit wore a flowing white dress. She looked at Arthur and smiled.

“King Arthur of Camelot,” said the girl. She seemed innocent, but that doesn’t mean Arthur let his guard down. 

“Who are you?” Arthur asked, his hand gripping his sword. 

“My name is Millie, I’m the spirit that protects the cave. You have proven to be an ally of magic, ask what you must.” Millie said, Arthur relaxed and sheaths his sword. In a clear commanding voice he asked:

“Tell me what happened to Merlin, where is he?” 

Millie’s smile vanished, Arthur’s heart raced in his chest. Millie motions Arthur to look into the crystals and says, “I think it’s better if I show you. As for his location, he is with you.” Arthur frowned in confusion as he stared into the crystal. 

_ Merlin ran out of the tree trump near the Valley of the kings, he was holding the Rune staff. Merlin breathed in and out, slowing down a bit as he ran. A roar broke through the forest. The ground started to crumble as the big monster ran towards Merlin, its beady eyes were red with fury. The claws came down again and again, but Merlin used magic to divert it.  _

_ Then the ground split to reveal more monsters climbing out of the ground. Merlin looked panicked for a second before schooling his expression. He swung his hand towards the wave and shouted, “ _ **_Acwele!”_ ** _ The monsters that were the closest dropped to the ground, dead.  _

_ As more and more come out of the ground, Merlin shouted spells for some and others he just flashes his eyes, non-verbally.  _

_ “ _ **_Ástryce!”_ **

**_“Forbaerne!”_ **

**_“Gehaeftan!”_ **

_ The monsters were flying away left to right. Merlin got rid of most of the monsters. The original one got burned down by Merlin’s magic and quartered. Merlin turned and shouted “ _ **_Snæde!”_ ** _. The last one went down. Merlin relaxed and lowered his hand. He didn’t see the one behind him. _

_ Merlin gasped. He looked down to see three claws poking out from his chest. Merlin gagged out blood as the monster took the claws out. His eyes flashed gold and the monster turned into dust. Merlin collapsed. _

Arthur screamed in grief.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fanfic, please be considerate. Constructive criticism is appreciated.


End file.
